Day 4 – It takes a village (and probably more) just for you and me

Most of the time I have a tendency to feel like it’s me against the world. I don’t think this is abnormal. Many of us feel like it’s hard to find good help in the process of getting to where we want to go. But there were times when I really feel like I’m stuck inside this bubble or there is a force field surrounding me and I can’t push through it to get to where anyone can hear me. I’m trying to say what I need or searching for someone to talk to, but I can’t seem to find a way to break through. When I started thinking about this more the other night, I started to wonder why it was that I felt so disconnected sometimes.

In life we cannot make it on our own. We are dependent upon someone else for survival. I think a lot of times this sort of conflicts with the idea that we are born alone, we live our own individual lives, and we die alone. We are both extremely connected and extremely disconnected all at once. But if we survive past infancy, it’s because someone else allowed for it. If we survive childhood there had to be someone around to help, even if it wasn’t our parents. We learn to speak and to act from others. We depend on someone for food and water… maybe farmers could survive on their own, but most of us these days couldn’t survive without the actions of someone else. We need one another. We need others to care about our well-being on a very real level simply for our physical survival. So when we consider our social needs, maybe they stem from our survival needs, but they are also existent on a very real level.

We need others to care about us. If no one cares, it’s nearly impossible to survive. If we don’t allow others to care, it’s nearly impossible for us to survive. This two-way street that exists is very important. We have to give in order to get, but we have to be open in order to receive. If we don’t allow others in, if we don’t acknowledge how much our lives are impacted by the lives of those around us (and even those not near to us in any way) then we make this life much harder than it needs to be. And it gets really hard at times, because it is easy to feel like you are the only one who honestly cares about you. But a lot of the time, the issue can be that others don’t know how to help you. You have to say what you need. If people still don’t respond, then we probably need to find new people to surround ourselves with, because life is too hard to get anywhere worth going on our own. I think learning to live in this sort of paradox has been one of the more difficult things to sort out or “overcome.” I’ve always felt different. And as I get older, though I very much like who I am, I still find it hard sometimes to figure out how to know what I need from others and what I need to do on my own. My son very freely seeks out others. I am much more introverted than he appears to be. I admire his willingness to interact with others and ask for help. He’s open to others, and this is a skill it has taken me a long time to acquire. So today my goal is to keep up my meditation, which really has been nice these past few days, to find a good song, and to be attentive to (make a list and reflect upon) all the different people it takes for me to survive each day. Despite the stress of feeling like I have to write, these past few days I have really felt more rejuvenated, and that makes me feel like I’ve made a good decision. What are your goals for today?

About laurenc129

I'm a mom. Sometimes my hands turn orange. Other times I write. On twitter: @laurenc129

Posted on May 4, 2012, in 31 days of May, babies and bugs, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. Hello.This post was really remarkable, especially since I was browsing for thoughts on this topic last week.

  2. Hello. fantastic job. I did not imagine this. This is a excellent story. Thanks!

  3. I think we are definitely born with a need for affirmation from others, and in turn we need to do the same. I feel that it is in this way we reach out to others and connect. Of course there are going to be those to whom we do not feel that connection..and so need to make a choice whether or not to keep them in our lives….just some thoughts…Diane

    • Yes. And sometimes those connections wane and we have to be willing to figure out whether or not it’s something worth trying to get back or if it is simply that the time has passed on that particular person. We can’t stay friends with everyone our entire lives. Seasons come and go, and relationships change along with them. Adaptability and understanding are key!

  4. Great post. I don’t set myself goals (usually) if only because I know I’d find it hard to keep to them LOL

    I’ve been trying to write a post every day; it’s not necessarily a goal, but rather a desire. But I have to be in the right mood (or should that be the “write” mood LOL) and I’ll often press Skip on my iPod over and over again until I find just the right piece of music to write about. Once I find it, and I start to write, it can take anywhere between an hour and two hours to complete a post.

    I really need to plan my time better because my blog is becoming a consuming passion – not that that’s a bad thing, it’s just that I’d like to do some reading and introspection too. By the time I sit down to actually read the blogs on WordPress and reply to email, it’s past midnight.

    Anyway… I’m rambling a little… you have some interesting thoughts and I get where you’re coming from. Just recently I’ve found old friends and new friends and I’ve found the universe has a way of providing that which you need the most, just when you need it. You just have to trust and to believe in it.

    Clear skies! 🙂

    • I normally never make goals myself. I don’t do resolutions at new years. But I was given some advice a few months back, and I was told that at some point it might be important for me to be willing to make a goal that I could possibly fail at – but it needed to be something that I didn’t want to fail at – if I was going to be willing to try and get the things accomplished that I wanted to accomplish. I like to think of them more as guides than goals, but he was trying to help me overcome my somewhere near crippling fear of failure! 🙂 So even though this particular “goal” is smaller, I think that it was a good start for me. I do think it’s good to have a way to navigate your path, though. We have to have some kind of marker to line the paths we walk down, otherwise we won’t know where we need to go. I do have a really strong tendency to fight even the idea of creating goals myself though. I’m trying to branch out! ha! 🙂

  5. Every sentence is so true! As an introverted person myself, I understand exactly what you are saying, and I love the line, “to be open in order to receive” I enjoyed your post and I am looking forward to reading more.

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