Day 5 – Unconditional Love

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I’m sort of cheating today. I am in a wedding today, and I was at the rehearsal all last night, so I’m sharing my thoughts on love today, but from something I had previously written. It’s relevant, though I’m not talking about a wedding or a relationship in that sense. I’ve only had bad relationships, so that wouldn’t work too well right here. But I am sharing a story that describes what it was like for me to first encounter what unconditional love really meant. I hope you’ll enjoy it. And I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend, thus far!! Please share any thoughts you have on the topic!

 

I remember when I was a child that I always believed in unconditional love. I believed it existed. I believed it was something we all needed to know. I believed it was powerful. And I believed it was natural. I’m not sure where those ideas came from. I’d mostly call my upbringing one that was somewhat skeptical on the subject. And I remember thinking that there was something different about the way I thought about things compared to the people around me.

Even though I was fearful, I was always also hopeful. Down inside me, I just knew there was something great awaiting my life. I never knew what that could be, although at the time I’m sure I was hoping I’d be a singer. I just knew there was possibility. The older we get the more practical we tend to become. And after having fear wipe away the majority of my notions about me doing anything great with my life, I gave up on the idea that love could exist without problems, mainly jealousy. To that time, I had never known a friendship or any relationship really where there wasn’t some form of disappointment or some form of jealousy involved. 

When I turned 16 all of this changed. Well, maybe not all, but a major turning point did appear. My first nephew was born. When I found out that I was going to be an aunt I was so excited. I couldn’t wait. I was just thrilled. I loved kids. I was always good with them. My patience is at its best with children (at least until they become teenagers!) And to have a baby around after being the youngest child gave me the chance I never had before. I always wanted to have someone I could teach. I never had anything to teach my siblings. They were both older than me, and we were all always right. You couldn’t tell any of us anything. My main goal was simply to be better than them when it came to academics. Maybe that’s why I’m still in school. I should probably talk to someone about that. But, again I digress.

My nephew was born, and my love that I had so wanted to share with someone finally had a place. My nephew was a perfect little baby, and the day he came home from the hospital I got to spend time alone with him. I sang him Winnie-the-Pooh and hoped he didn’t cry, because I had never fixed a bottle before and wasn’t sure I could follow the instructions without burning the bottle on the stove. It was terrifying and wonderful all at once.

But I knew as I sat there with him that night that there was nothing that he could do that could possibly shake my love for him. And I wasn’t jealous. I wasn’t disappointed. I was just filled with love. I wanted great things for him. I wanted to do everything I could to help him be his best. I was excited to know him and to help him with his future. I wanted to take care of him, and I wanted him to be able to function on his own. I wanted everyone to love him. I was terribly upset at the thought that someone might ever be mean to him. I wanted to keep him safe and have him know only love, and even now sometimes I still think it’s unfortunate that life doesn’t work that way. But he was the first person who I was allowed to care for in such a way, and his presence along with my other nephews’ has helped guide me to the path I want and need to be on today.

About laurenc129

I'm a mom. Sometimes my hands turn orange. Other times I write. On twitter: @laurenc129

Posted on May 5, 2012, in 31 days of May, babies and bugs, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 39 Comments.

  1. Wonderful post. I was very moved. Stay with this!

    Also thanking you for liking the Fourth “R” post on my arnnarn.com blog. Hope you come back again.

    Bruce

  2. Thank you Lauren. I was thinking about you today, while walking my dogs. I hope you and yours are well. How are the book sales going? A thought- TRUE happiness will NEVER be realized, as long as its focus is on things and people. It MUST emerge from within. One way to grow and experience TRUE happiness, is to be focused on the happiness of others first – give it away. Cause and effect is as real as this reply. Make it a great day Lauren. Remember – we are who we see ourselves becoming! Thoughts?

    • I appreciate that very much! 🙂 I agree that giving it away is the best way to bring happiness into your life. Even if it’s not reciprocated in the way we think or would like it to be, there’s something comforting about knowing we’ve contributed to others by sharing happiness with them. Giving hope and belief. Spreading love. It certainly grows it. Even in unimaginable ways. I believe it is Deepak Chopra who said, “There is know road to happiness, happiness is the road.” But I haven’t read that book.. so I’m not certain. I know he said it about peace… that book I read 🙂 But I really appreciate you sharing this here! And thank you again for thinking of me. Sales are growing a little bit more each week. Slowly but surely is the way I suppose! Not that I would be unhappy with an explosion in this case!

  3. Kristin Anderson

    That is very beautiful. It seems you were a mom before you were a mom. Thank you for liking my post. Yours is beautiful!

    • Thank you! That’s so nice. I always referred to them as my babies and I had two car seats in my car from the time I was 17 on. I’m so happy I got to spend as much time with them as I did.

  4. Being single after 5 years of marriage completely resets the default on love and trust. I don’t know what those words mean in a romantic context any longer. I know I love my family, my siblings, my little nephews, but deep down I lost the foundation for a “lover’s” love. I hope I find it again someday, but until then, I’ll embrace my singleness and use my experiences to write about the thing I miss.
    Thanks for your openness. I just found your blog today, but I’m already enjoying it immensely.

    • Thank you for sharing that. It’s definitely hard after those types of situations to believe in that type of love in the context of a relationship. And I think it’s good to question it. I have done the same. It’s hard to get to a point to where we can be open again and find that capacity to trust, but I do think it can happen. It’s not easy and it takes time. It’s good to embrace where you are right now though, and to take the time to experience it, so you’re definitely doing well. Good luck, and thanks for stopping by and sharing here! It’s appreciated!

  5. Beautiful and insightful story. I sure feel that way about my daughter, as well (even now, as a teenager!).

  6. I guess that’s what I am looking for in my life too…

  7. Oh, honey, you are so young to be giving advice.

  8. I think the birth of my children taught be unconditional love, not only because of how profound my love for my child was, but because it showed me how much more the Love of God was for me. Being a parent has taught me so much about my relationship with my Creator. No matter how much I think I love, He will always love more. His love truly is unconditional. A love that is undeserved and without fault.

  9. The birth of a child has an amazing way of teaching us about unconditional love! Lovely post!

  10. Your acceptance in Unconditional Love is so beautiful; my niece just had her second son, and I know exactly this sense…that there is so much potential. But this very thing continues on for our whole lives….that at any time, one can dip into it and bring something out.

  11. Nice post. Love is easy when we like the person, isn’t it ? – when there are things in someone’s personality and behaviour that strike a chord with us – and we like the person for it. Love is also easy and spontaneous with children – their innocence and freshness makes them naturally lovable.Unconditional love runs into problems when we actually don’t like a person – when there are aspects of personality and behaviour that turn us off. In such cases we can ask ourselves – ‘I don’t like this person – but do I hate him/her ? No, I don’t hate anyone. So, can I forgive him/her and accept that he/she is a certain type – probably because of influences that he/she could not avoid – and didn’t have a say over ? ‘. Acceptance and forgiveness seem as crucial to love as giving is – without expectation. I am not a Mum – chose not to – but love my sister’s daughters as though they were my own. No problem giving them my time, attention, acceptance, and anything I have. This love is tested when they exhibit insensitivity and selfishness – negative reactions emerge in me – but they disappear as fast as they arise. I forgive them and understand where they are coming from. Time will teach them and change them for the better, I tell myself.Then I ask myself – ‘do I love my sisters’s children because they are MY sisters’ children ? Does the MY have a big say here ?’ Fortunately, it doesn’t. I love my husband’s nieces and nephews too – as much – without expecting anything in return. I wish the best for all these youngsters. One further test of my love – can I love all children – not just those connected with me and my husband ? Yes, I can. I care about all the poor children who live in our neighbourhood – try and give those I come in contact with some eaties or gifts- or sometimes pay for their school fees. Living in India, where the gap between the have’s and havenot’s is quite large, makes many of us sensitive beings. So, to conclude – LOVE is not just all emotion and feeling – which keeps bubbling up quite easily in most of us – not just an emotional person’s prerogative – but seems to have a lot of thinking elements to it – true love it seems is the perfect harmonisation of the right and left sides of the brain/mind.

    • Thank you for sharing all of your wonderful thoughts!! It’s interesting when we look to see whether or not we can spread the love out to those beyond our immediate circle. I always tell people the reason I realized what people who adopt mean when they say the love is the same as if they had given birth because of my nephews. I did and still do love them that way, and some others as well. Before I had my nephews I was skeptical that people could really feel that way. That love could be real beyond our immediate borders. Love definitely extends beyond feeling and emotion. Thank you again for you thoughts! 🙂

  12. Happy Monday. I’m so happy to learn that you’ve elected to follow me (as I have you). I promise to deliver to you practical life-changing content each week, designed to empower you to become the very highest and best. I’m also looking forward to receiving your wisdom through the written word. Hugs from here.

  13. Beautiful. You captured it exactly.

  14. Unconditional love …the ultimate love ….It’s a fierce and yet calm love…you just know that it will never change and yet you know you would do anything for that one that you love that way or someone would do the same for you!….Diane

  15. I understand… I don’t think I truly understood unconditional love until I became a father. I’d die for my son, in a heartbeat.

  1. Pingback: My Love « In The 4 Corners – Photography / Art / Theatre / Music

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