So today we had an extra second, our Leap Second, to balance out something scientific or another 🙂 There is a fishing rodeo in town tonight and so I got to spend my extra second stuck on top of the ferris wheel with my son.
I don’t like ferris wheels. I don’t mind heights. And I don’t mind rides that go fast or upside down. I love roller coasters. I don’t like ferris wheels. So it makes sense that Jack would be anxiously awaiting the ferris wheel, and that we would end up sitting on top, just sitting waiting for it to move for that extra second of the day.
Aside from the death grip I had I Jack’s arm, and the other on the rail, I thought about the fact that things did look quite peaceful from the top. And that if I weren’t terrified I could take a picture for the extra second and it would probably turn out quite beautiful. But as it was, my child isn’t afraid of ferris wheels, which makes me not trust his 3-year-old impulsiveness to sit still while I attempt to gather the courage to let go of anything and take a picture.
So instead what I was left with was a nice little moment of peace and realization that even though I was terrified, I was in awe of the beauty that surrounded us. I could feel the calm, feel the love. And it was a pretty awesome second. Made more awesome by the knowledge that it was one more second passing that brought me closer to where I wanted to be. Which was safe and sound on the ground.
We normally have 86,400 seconds in a day. Today we had 86,401. Do you know what you did with them? Each second, each moment is a chance to live and grow closer to your goal. To face your fear. To climb to new heights. How do you spends your seconds?
“They didn’t have you where I come from. Never knew the best was yet to come. Life began when I saw your face. And I hear your laugh like a serenade.
How long do you wanna be loved? Is forever enough? Is forever enough? How long do you wanna be loved? Is forever enough? Cause I’m never never giving you up.” Lullaby, The Dixie Chicks
There are certain songs I can’t listen to, because they make me cry every time. This song happens to be one of them. What I was lucky enough to learn from taking care of my nephews is just how quickly time passes. I remember the days both of my older nephews were born. My mother and I were at the hospital waiting. And from day 1, my heart had a new home. I remember with each passing year when I was in high school and entering into college thinking, “gosh I can’t believe it’s already been a year, two years, etc. “ They will be 13 and 14 this summer. Which is insanity. In just 4 short years I will have a nephew in college and one who is a senior in high school. There is nothing like having a child to teach you just how quickly time flies. And I tell all of my mother-to-be friends that. I feel a little lucky that Jack was born in December, because I get to sneak at least an extra 6 months with him, and I’m smart enough to know that I should take what time I can get.
When the world starts getting to me, including the stress of dealing with a preschooler, I have started to stop and remove myself for however many minutes I can, and I remind myself that all of this is fleeting. All of it is ever-changing. We are constantly moving, and I have to remember what’s important. It’s hard, because being able to pay bills, have food, have a car, childcare for Jack, those are all things that are essential to our survival as well. And sometimes the outlook gets a little bit bleak. It gets difficult to stay strong. It gets difficult not to give up or give in (I’m talking about jobs here, not life). So finding a path for us is extremely important.
But when I get those moments, and I get that chance to just be, and to look at Jack and know how much I love him. How much I care. And how quickly these times are going to pass by, I get a chance to stop and appreciate this time. I don’t appreciate the stress. But I get to stop feeling it for those moments. I’d appreciate the struggle more if I could see the outcome, but one day I will. And I’m okay with that for now. So in this post I’d just like to say, cherish the moments, ever-fleeting as they are that give us the chance to just know love. And I hope that everyone has something or someone that gives them a place of refuge. In the end it comes from within. A place where we know we are in the presence of something good. I know I’m in the presence of something good, because I am in the presence of love, and it is the love that I have to give and share. And I’m so very thankful that it is returned in the way that it is with my son.