This senseless tragedy in Connecticut

There are many things in life that are incomprehensible. Times when the only words we can repeat read, “I don’t understand. I don’t understand. I don’t understand. I don’t understand.” There is no reason to be found. There is no comfort on that day. When we grieve there are no words that ease the pain. Nothing to be said that can help. There are only words no one ever wants to hear. From a situation no one should ever have to experience. When life, mortality, the frailty of us all comes crashing in, destroying lives, it leaves only love shrouded in the crutches of devastation. One of those times when love is cradled in tears. It’s wrapped in heartbreak. Astonished by loss. Trapped in anger and fear. All while not feeling able to feel anything at all. It is numb and crushing all at once. Heavy and inconceivable. And there’s no way to process all of that. My heart aches. My mind searches for answers. But I don’t understand. And we never will. It’s a stark reminder that when life is stripped down, there is nothing left but the love we feel for one another. The love we feel for those we don’t get to hold anymore. Hearts break open. Love pours out. And even though it doesn’t feel like anything, it is everything that we have inside of us. All that we have to give. Comfort is only found in that space that exists beyond the physical. It’s found in the presence of others, near and far, sending out their love. Sending their hope. Sending their sorrow. Sending all that there is that can be given in such a case. Because nothing can ever fix it. So we give what we have. We unite. Though we don’t understand. We cry. We pray. We love.

There are no words to express how saddening this day has been, to watch such a senseless tragedy unfold. The futures destroyed. The beds left empty. The lives shattered recklessly. My thoughts and prayers are sent to those in Connecticut. And as I lay by my son, who is sleeping beside me, I am crying steadily. What they are feeling is something no parent or family member should ever have to feel. I just don’t understand. My love to you all.

About laurenc129

I'm a mom. Sometimes my hands turn orange. Other times I write. On twitter: @laurenc129

Posted on December 15, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 28 Comments.

    Hi thank you so much for this post, I found it to be truly comforting to me, because my heart is so broken for these families, this was just totally senseless and you just really feel so sad for these who lost their lives for no good reason at all. I really hope and pray that this kind of senseless killings will stop. I am so grateful that even more were not killed because the news says he had enough ammunition to kill everyone at that school. I just feel so sad for those families and just pray for them everyday. My holiday is so unhappy since this happened. Betty

  2. Couldn’t have said it better myself.

  3. Eleven years ago my two great-nieces were murdered by their mother (the ex-wife of my nephew). Obviously, we tried to make sense of this senseless act continuously. Finally a psychologist told me, “You’re a rational human being trying to make sense out of an irrational act; it just can’t be done.” That gave me pause and comfort all at once. Some things will never make sense and even if we know “why” this troubled kid did what he did, it still won’t make any sense to us. My heart goes out to all who have been impacted directly and indirectly by this senseless act of violence.

    • It’s true. There is no way to make sense of it. There is no understanding. That’s one of the most frustrating things about trying to process it, is that at the end of the day you can’t.

  4. yes, I also don’t understand. if he wanted to kill himself, why would he involved others? was he jealous of their childhood that was stolen from him?

  5. There is such a sadness in so many hearts today….Diane

  6. Well liberal gun laws won’t help, but there is a sickness in modern society that fuels these acts of madness. While mandatory background checks, cooling off periods and revoking the concealed carry laws would be a healthy start, there needs to be a sea change in Western society in general but specifically in American society with its gun mania. Removing guns from the British public hasn’t made Britain safer, they just use other weapons like knives. We as a world wide community have never been more connected, more able to express our points of view, no matter how weird, but we’ve never been lonelier nor more isolated than at any other time. We don’t talk to strangers, new neighbours, we’re stifled by political correctness and the fear of sudden attack. The gap between the rich and the poor is wider than it’s ever been and getting wider. Like you I don’t have answers just questions and a gnawing hole in my soul.

    • It’s very frustrating that there are no real answers. Our earliest literature depicts similar conflicts, people gone mad, tragedies all over the place. We’ve yet to find a way to prevent it.

  7. When I heard, I thought of Dunblane… Dunblane is a Scottish town… in 1996, a gunman entered an elementary school there and killed sixteen children and an adult before killing himself. Pretty much anyone over 25 from the UK will remember it. In the UK, the resulting laws pretty much made private gun ownership illegal. Of course, that’ll never happen here.

    You’re right though… there are no words to describe the feeling. I can’t imagine how those parents must be feeling. So many lives shattered by one horrific act.

    • I remember it happening. I had just started high school. That year my school received so many bomb threats we had to make up days and started holding class outside while they would check the buildings. Nothing was ever found, fortunately.

  8. I ended up having to explain to my two little girls what happened yesterday as there was a lot of talk surrounding us involving it (we live in CT and my family knows someone who lost a loved one) It’s heartbreaking. It makes me scared to send them off to school.

  9. Lauren, this crime has me horrified and I am not even a parent. I can’t even imagine how terrible you must feel and the fear must be going through your head about letting your child return to school on Monday. I can not get over this. And God bless the teacher who died in order to protect a child — what a hero! I don’t know what else to say, but my heart goes out to everyone who was hurt by this tragedy. And bless the souls of the little angels who are now in heaven. Right around Christmas time too …. DAMN!

    • Jack stays with me right now, and I’m really glad this is the case. I had class tonight and on the drive there found myself completely unsettled. It’s just so overwhelming. I arrived only to find my class had been canceled, thankfully. They are truly heroes and angels. There are just no words.

  10. My heart goes out to all the people who suffered in this tragedy. Things like this should never happen in our world. Children are our most precious assets. Parents need to make sure that they are raising their children in a loving, supportive environment so they don’t grow up to be one of those broken, angry adults that want to hurt others because they have been hurt by those around them.

  11. Thanks for writing this. It’s been a rough day here in Connecticut. I’d like to attend a vigil for my own healing but I’m doing my best to shelter my kids from learning of the events in Newtown. Trust me, it was never happier to see that yellow school bus pull up in front of the house yesterday. I can’t imagine the horror of the parents who weren’t so fortunate.

  12. Lauren, its tragic! Read about it on post today and now it’s over the news in Oz! It makes you feel sick to the stomach to hear such a tragedy! My love goes out to all those saddened grieving families. I have goosebumps just writing about it! Hugs Lauren and hug Jack! Xxx

  13. It truly is sad. I hope everyone receives our love and prayers. It is so unimaginable, especially in the month of December. It’s sad how much our world is hurting these days, people need to focus much more on love.

  14. I would say that guy is just so stupid trying to kill those kids and his mom thinking that the world will end, but the world is not ending because it’s false. I give all my condolences to the one who got killed and I pray that for you guys to stay strong that GOD is always there to protect the enemies. We are here together to conquer those enemies and to face them with bravery.

  1. Pingback: Remembering Connecticut Loved Ones By Name | LifeSchool Inc.

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