What’s his name?

Since writing my book, the number one thing people ask me is, “Who was the boy?” My response is always I can’t remember anymore.  It’s been interesting, because even though I know I wrote about him, I didn’t actually think about the fact that I would be talking about him to people. And even though I don’t normally tell anyone who he was, it’s a really strange thing to go back to. Made stranger by his random reappearances as well, but that’s not the point.

One of the things I usually end up talking to people about is whether or not I think it’s possible to find that more than once. For a long time I really wasn’t sure that you could have that again. That you could have that connection, that intensity, or just the easy familiarity upon meeting. Lots of people refer to him as my soul mate. I don’t. But that’s partial bitterness that I’m working on leaving behind. But with each day that passes (and with each interaction I have with him) I’m reminded more and more that it would make no sense for it to not be possible to have that more than once. I think the biggest issue is being closed off to it after the first time.

It’s hard to reopen your heart, it’s hard to even want to envision a world differently than you had when your heart was open. But it’s possible. And it’s important. Because even if we were left broken, we have the capacity to pick up the pieces and come back to life. We can come back stronger than we were before. We can go places with more courage, more faith, more hope, because we already know how to be open. We already know how to love. We know how to look and see where we need to grow, who we need to be to find a path that will last. One that fulfills us. One that reminds us we are whole just as we are. And we will invite people who are the same. People who won’t run, people who won’t lie, people who won’t make it a point to destroy the things they love, as long as we make it a point to come back better and stronger. (PS please take heed to, “When someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time.” Maya Angelou) So it never really matters about ole what’s his name anyway. Being open was up to you. Being open is still up to you. And anytime we begin a journey more wise than the first time we tried, the potential for reaching our goal is increased exponentially. So take the time to grow stronger. To reach higher. And to remind yourself that you were always whole to begin with.

About laurenc129

I'm a mom. Sometimes my hands turn orange. Other times I write. On twitter: @laurenc129

Posted on June 29, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 28 Comments.

  1. I always enjoy reading your posts. The idea of having more than one soul mate I believe so, I lost a friend… a soul mate a while back and to me it was love at first sight. I never thought that was even possible until I met her, She passed away and it tore me apart but luckily was able to find help for it; anyway there have been many hopefuls and you should never give up. There’s so much I’d love to share but this is your post. Have a great day Lauren (^_^)


    • It was the loss of a loved one that made me question the idea of soul mates initially many years ago. It just didn’t make sense that there would be more than one. The boy in the post, I don’t know what happened, but when he walked in all I knew was I needed to know him. It was the first time I believed in love at first site as well. But with him it just didn’t work out. That’s the short version. I’m glad you found help. And I’m sorry for your loss.


  2. As a polyamorous person, I have a lot of ambivalence about the concept of “soul mates.” If they exist, I definitely think you can have more than one. I thought the boy I met when I was 18 was my soul mate until he broke my heart only a month later. That one was definitely a false alarm. More recently a met a much more mature but just as intense version of that kind of love and found myself wondering about soul mates yet again. And now, as I fear that relationship may be coming to a close, I find this post and it buoys me up. Thank you, friend.


    • I’m glad. I think there is definitely more than one, and I think we can find them in all different forms. All playing different roles that we need in our lives. Thank you for sharing and visiting! I really appreciate it 🙂


  3. Love this post today – and can totally relate. But also happy to say that I did grow from a past experience and can look back now and think “What WAS I thinking?” even though it felt so right and perfect then – hindsight is 20/20. Be I liked what you say in terms of being open is up to you – so true. We have to not be the victim and take charge of our own paths!


  4. Good to know that you’re open to new relationships and that they can be as ‘real’ as you believed the first one to be. …Diane


  5. I’ve been there. I’ve had that boy. I was broken and I put myself back together, found love that taught me about real love. Your words really struck a chord with me. Beautiful post!


  6. I love the post. This is so true. When you have someone show’s their true colors move on and become stronger because of it. Never look back. Thanks for visitng my blog too.



  7. There is a love born of revelation of the greatest Love of all. It never goes away, all other loves at best are a dress rehearsal for a love that never ends. Thank You for your wonderful transparency!



  8. kellyleichert

    Like the post. What I have noticed as I get older as ‘it’ remains, sometimes with more than one person. But social life becomes more complex as we age; children, money, security, work and so on impact the external relationship – though the inner one, love, does not change much and perhaps, even grows through the absence. I love three women and believe they all love me, though we do not relate in person due to circumstances.


    • I think that’s absolutely possible. I believe it’s possible to love multiple people. I don’t think love is dependent upon the relationships. I think it exists beyond them and above them. 🙂


  9. Inspiring and wonderfully written, you’ve a way with words. Growing means doing two things; both being able to understand and accept your past, and being able to learn from and use your past to better your future. I think you’ve done, and are constantly doing, both of those, and I’m glad to see that.

    Although I haven’t read it, bravo for the book, and bravo for being a better version of yourself every day. Not all people choose or even remember to do that!


  10. Thanks of liking my post. People who make an impact on our lives teach us such a lot, mostly about ourselves! Your posts are really interesting, keep it up!


  11. It’s amazing how certain experiences can shape us and change the direction of ourselves, our futures and thoughts. My heart has been broken…but I can’t blame how I feel on anyone else. It is I who has chosen to put a guard up, to be extra cautious, extra paranoid, un-trusting and hurt. I only have myself to blame…but, for me at least, it’s easier to be guarded and jaded right now than it is to change and risk further hurt and pain. And so the cycle continues….because really the only one breaking my heart -is me.


  12. Thank you for visiting my little blog. I have read a few of your entries and I will make sure to read the rest as soon as possible. I like the way you write, it’s as though the words are alive. It is a rare gift. Have a beautiful day…


  13. You know, when reading your book, it never once occurred to me to ask you who he was LOL That he made such an impact in your life was more important… and besides, frankly, it’s none of *my* business.

    Either way, thanks for posting this. I’m always seeking others with whom I share a connection, which, of course, is a natural thing to do. As humans, this is what we do. But it’s hard to find someone with whom you share a much deeper connection… something that touches upon every core component of our being: our wants, our needs, our likes, our loves, our heart, our soul and our spirituality.

    When someone comes into my life and I find that connection, I’m usually pretty self-conscious… I feel like a puppy dog… i want to communicate and spend time with that person, I want to get to know them… and then I feel like that puppy dog following them home. And that’s part of the problem… I’m self conscious and I don’t want to crowd them. I don’t want them to feel that I’m needy in some way but sometimes, i feel, this is how I can appear to be.

    I do my best to give them their space.

    It’s not even necessariiy a romantic thing. Sometimes I find myself craving the companionship of that person, just because I know they understand, they get where I’m coming from and I hope they understand where I’m going to. I look forward to hearing from them just because I enjoy the interaction 🙂

    Maybe, one day, that connection may become deeper but at the beginning, I’m just glad the connection is there.

    Anyway… just my thoughts…. clear skies 🙂


    • Ha, i understand the self-conscious thing. I’ve always been one not to bother people. I have a tendency to feel intrusive. Though I that’s one of the places I don’t normally have that, in relationships or where I am drawn to people. I’m usually okay then. Aside from nerves.


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