Day 27 – When we don’t have any more to give

Today may be a little short. I have had a few family members diagnosed with cancer, and lots of turbulance happening all over the place this weekend. The month in general has been just a major rush of highs and lows from all different angles that I’m still trying to sort out. I’m not sure what else I have to give. I’m somewhat thankful for the writing on here, because it’s nice to have a place to focus my thoughts, but I’m seriously overwhelmed today so, here’s what I have to say.

Throughout the day we’ve been sitting around a lot thinking and talking about old memories. That’s the thing that sickness can do. Particularly when the prognosis is just up in the air. It’s brings to light the fragility of life. And there’s been a lot of that around here lately. With my family and friends and in the news in general. I find myself staring a lot, with no particular focus. Which can happen anyway. I’ve always been a drifter in my mind. I was never great at paying attention in class. But in this case it’s frustrating, because I want to focus. I want to figure things out. There are things I need to get done in my life. Things I need to get in order and determining what needs to happen matters. Determining what I need to do is important. And as each day passes the importance grows.

We all have those things that we feel pressing us. Those things that we know we want to do. And we know that there is a time frame on them. We know that the moments we have to do the things we want will pass us by if we don’t act upon them. But we also have to take the time to figure out what needs to be done when. And take the time to not let things consume us to a point where we are ignoring the other things that are important. And that includes appreciating the time we have to spend with the people who are important to us. The time to just let it go for a few moments and know that it’s okay to just be. We have to allow ourselves to be human. To have more than one pressing need. To have a multitude of things that matter. And a complex web that we have to weave. It has to be strong. It has to hold our weight. It has to have a number of stops and crossroads. It has to have alternative paths to get to where we need for safety, which may be a different place at different times itself. We have to be people. Fallible people. And we have to let others be the same. A lot of the time that’s where the good memories arise from. That’s what we learn from. We are just people. And there is greatness in that. Even when we are overwhelmed and our minds drift. When we can’t get it all right. We are still doing something good. We are still trying, even if it ends up wrong. Great things can come about, even if we don’t think we have any more to give.

About laurenc129

I'm a mom. Sometimes my hands turn orange. Other times I write. On twitter: @laurenc129

Posted on May 27, 2012, in 31 days of May, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. Thanks for this. My dad has stage 4 cancer and I have not been able to write since the beginning of the year. Luckily, writing my blog is not my job! It’s draining, and I don’t feel I have much to give right now either, but you just taught me there are words amidst the confusion and silence. Thanks for stopping by my blog and allowing me to find yours.

    • I’m sorry to hear about your dad. It gets really difficult for me to write, especially lately. Particularly since I try to keep a boundary between venting/being too personal and writing things that can be helpful and are worth the time for other people to read. But it has been draining lately. We will keep you and your family in our thoughts and prayers. I’ve lost two grandparents to cancer already, so having it appear again in the family is daunting. Thanks for stopping by.

  2. Wow… I’m sorry you’re having a rough time, I truly am. If you need an ear, you know where I am – thelastsongiheard “at” gmail.com

    Take care 🙂

  3. I can’t pretend to know exactly what you are going through. But I have been taking care of my dad now for a year since his diagnosis with brain cancer. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face, mentally, spiritually, and even physically. Hope you find time to cry, smile and give and receive true hugs through the process. I’ll be thinking of you and your family.

  4. You definitely seem to have a lot on your mind and trying to sort it all through…Hope all works out for you in the process of doing so….Diane

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