I was thinking about things today, as news comes in and out, and I realized that despite the fact that as I said…life is hard, I feel really good. I feel good about life. I feel good about moving forward. Even when it looks impossible or becomes overwhelming, somewhere in me I know that things will work out. And there is a solidness there, a foundation that never used to exist for me.
When I was younger I was usually bitter or angry or sad. I wasn’t happy. I was very pessimistic. In fact, being a pessimist was ironically one of the only things that I found pleasure in. I felt very lonely, and I didn’t know how to change that. So being in difficult situations only served to reinforce that idea. My mindset was that things were going to be bad, why aim to be happy, why aim to overachieve, or really even just achieve. I could undersell myself. I could just get by. And then I wouldn’t have to deal with failing, or the stress that accompanies trying to truly accomplish the goals I was unwilling to have. I didn’t want to have to deal with hardship, so I opted to make things as easy as possible. I sold myself short, and everyone else, too.
So being where I am now, understanding that I can work each day at becoming more and more of who I want to be. I can work each day at coming back to that place where I know that I am worthy to keep going. I know that I have something to contribute. I know that I am doing things that are in line with who I want to be. Even if I’m not doing everything that I feel I should be, or even if I fall short some days, I still have that place to go back to. I have that position of worth. I have a foundation that everyone has as long as we are willing to be open to it. And that place provides hope. It provides light when there is darkness. It is a foundation that is solid, because it knows that there is somewhere to go. A foundation that doesn’t know there is a future, like the foundations we have that are built on fear and uncertainty, are foundations that falter as we try to move. They can’t hold us up, so instead they entrap us as they crumble around us. But a foundation with a future, one that knows our worth, our light, our love, those foundations can lift us up. They can stand strong. They can hold fast even when the sky falls down. It changes everything. And it changes it for the better.
PS… I nearly passed out half-way attempting to jog while pushing Jack, who didn’t feel like riding his bike or jogging yesterday. So today we did yoga. He knocked me out of position a few times, but since I’m not good at it yet, I figured I would have fallen anyway. Happy midweek you guys!!